Divorced Women – Stop Holding a Grudge!

Hi everybody! I hope you had a fabulous 4th of July, and that you all survived the festivities.

This week I want to remind you of the importance of releasing the past and the power it can have over you.

Click play for a quick reminder of how to recognize if you are still hanging on, and how to stop it.

 

Here is the transcript for those who like to read:

Hi! It Christia Sale, the Selfish Woman!

Ok – you are finally free from the ugly marriage you were in.

You have released yourself from the physical obligation… from the legal obligations.

But have you released yourself from the emotional obligations?

Forgiven yourself for your part in it and released it to the Universe?

Good question. And it deserves an honest answer – from YOU.

Can you honestly say that you have let go of your resentment for the way you were treated in this whole thing?

Do you really feel like you have made peace with the past and your part in it?

It’s time to Stop Holding A Grudge!

It’s time to release the past and the power it has over you.

As long as you breathe life into that old story by retelling it and talking about it, the longer it will have power over you. And the only one that suffers is you.

And when I say power, I mean the effect it has on your emotions. How talking about that time in your life can bring back those painful feelings that you so desperately want to escape from.

But how can you escape from them if you continue to bring them back into your existence. And you are doing this voluntarily!

Voluntarily… as in self-imposed!  Stop that!

“You don’t drown by falling in water. You drown by staying there.”

Yes, you have to mourn the loss of the “dream” of a happy marriage. It is part of the healing process and it is healthy. But continuing to use that story as an excuse why you are not happy now is a cop-out.

You are basically wallowing in the past and letting it define you.

Your divorce does not define you – YOU define you!

How you choose to respond to your divorce dictates how this is going to turn out for you.

As long as you continue to give your old story a lifeline, you will never get past the pain and you will forever be held back from reaching your full potential. Pull that plug now, before it turns back into a monster!

Nothing good comes from retelling that old story. But limitless possibilities can come from where you choose to go from here. It is your choice!

You have a new chance at writing your own ending, exactly how you want it to be!

Don’t waste it!

So, If this video was beneficial, hopeful, or inspiring, or if you just want to contribute to the conversation, leave me a comment below, make sure you subscribe, and share it with your friends. If you want access to more info plus extras that I can’t put on videos, go to themostselfishwomaninamerica.com & sign up for the updates.

This is Christia Sale, the Selfish Woman, saying You Deserve to be Happy and I’m here to help!

So until next time,

Happy Living!

Now it’s your turn. I want to hear from you.

Do you catch yourself talking about your old story and getting worked up all over again? Do you want to be able to stop that cycle?

Leave me a comment on your situation. We can work on it together. I’m here to help!

Cheers!

Who is in Your Life?

I saw a video today by Marie Forleo. She describes herself as “part business strategist, part marketing maven and part spiritual ass-kicker with a side of hip-hop swagger.”

I am sharing her with you because I love her message and her energy.

The more people you hear sharing the same message of choosing happiness, using your gifts and talents, and making this world better than it was when you got here, the more likely you are to listen.

Her video was about letting those who are in your life hold you back from accomplishing your dream life. Watch it here: http://marieforleo.com/2011/05/people-holding/.

It’s good to hear someone else say that YOU are the only one who lets other people make you feel anything. You accept those feelings they are trying to project, whether positive or negative. It’s the same as choosing to participate, or not!

You can also choose who is in your life, and who stays in your life. You have that power.

Marie and I share the phrase ” lead by example.” You have to be the change you want to see. You have to be the person you would want to interact with. If you have read my book, you know you can exponentially have a positive impact on this world by the way your choose to behave and react in every situation. And with awareness comes responsibility.

So, who is in your life? Are there people who you had a relationship with for years, in that old phase of your life, that have not traveled down your new path with you? People who could relate to you when you were miserable, but are judging your new path because it is not comfortable for them, or makes them feel envious?

The reality is that not every relationship is suppose to last forever. In fact, the only relationship that does last for ever is between you and THE BIG GUY.

People drift in and out of our lives all the time. Some stay for quite awhile and some are just passing through.

Relationships, like everything else, have phases of life. A beginning, a middle and an end. Like Marie says, to expect anything to last forever is setting yourself up for failure. And who wants that?

So if you have friends or family members who are having “trouble” with the new you and the new life you are creating for yourself, their time in your life might be coming to an end. And it’s OK. Your journeys are naturally growing in different directions.

No one’s path is going to look like yours anyway. It’s not suppose to. Your journey is as unique as you are. And sometimes you find someone who’s path is complimenting to yours and your lives are able to co-exist for quite some time.

But when connections you have had with friends or family start thinning out, don’t take it personally. Nothing is suppose to last forever, no matter what we were raised to believe.

Here’s where leading by example come in. When your paths take different directions, don’t judge that person or their path. Be understanding and accepting. Release them and let them go on their way.

The bottom line is that you have to take responsibility for who is in your life and the effect you are going to allow them to have on you.

Change the way you think about your life. Choose who you are going to spend time with and who you are not.

Be the architect of your success by choosing how you think, how you live, how you behave, and who is in your life.

Until next time,

Happy Living!

Christia Sale

The Most SELFISH Woman in America!

Women’s Life After Divorce Expert

P.S. Let me know how you feel about this topic in the comments below. I know it is not your normal way of thinking, so let’s discuss it!

Cheers!

 

 

Enjoy Recovering from Divorce

It is important to enjoy yourself now more than ever. One way to accomplish this is to explore the activities your area has to offer.

I live in Austin where a river runs through downtown. There are rowing and kayaking businesses that offer access for everyone. If you are a novice, they will teach you. If you know how to row, you can go off on your own. They also offer events where you can start at one end of the river, and row down to the other end and watch the bats come out of the Congress Ave. bridge to fly south for the evening to feed. It’s fascinating, especially seeing it from the water. Austin has one of the largest bat populations in the nation.

So for $15 – $25 you can enjoy the peacefulness of the water, the sound of the boat gliding over the surface, or the majesty (also a little creepy) of millions of bats swirling into clouds and shooting down the river.

Something about the calmness of the water, your gliding past cliffs and trees, the resistance of the paddles against the current, puts you back in your place in this Universe. It’s symbolic of our powering our way through life, meeting the resistance we all face when working toward change.

And yet, it’s that effort that allows you to [Read more…]

For the Thrill of It

I know I’ve talked about this before, and definitely in my book, The Most Selfish Woman in America, How to Make Your Divorce the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You!

You need to do something that takes your breath away!

I’m talking about one of those experiences where you find yourself squealing like a little girl . . . OK, work with me here!

This week I took “flight” on a Skycoaster. It is a cross between skydiving and hang-gliding on the end of a cable. You are harnessed onto the end of a very long cable and pulled up 183 feet to the top of a very tall pole. Then after you make peace with what you must do, you pull a “rip cord” and start diving/falling straight towards the ground until the cable swings you out and up to it’s pinnacle. Then you fall back from wince you came, just to do it all again. You swing like a pendulum, back and forth, until your momentum is completely spent, and you are left dangling and in awe.

The whole experience is thrilling and [Read more…]

How To Survive The Insanity of Divorce

Isn’t it amazing how all of the sudden you wake up one day and your whole life is changing…again?

You know, that time period between the divorce and your finally being on your own, literally?

It comes in phases.

Phase I:  the actual divorce and your ex moving out

Phase II: the recovery period, where you try to catch your breath and make sense of it all

Phase III: when you start to see the beauty of your future, and focus on achieving your Dream Life

Phase IV: when your children start moving out, for what ever reason, and you’re OK with it.

The order of the last two can interchange. But it’s amazing how fast that time passes…

None of us can completely control how this unfolds, because there are too many factors involved that you don’t have control over. Like how other people will act or react to what has happened to your family. The dynamics of that are volatile.  Depending on how hurt the feelings are of the participants dictates how rough the transition will be.

Hopefully you will have the time you need in each phase to be emotionally ready for the next one.

But the reality is that you can wake up one day and get thrown into a phase that you are not ready for.

You are going along, thinking you have a handle on the changes that your life has taken. Then all of the sudden, you get hit in the head with, yet again, another big change. Damn! How long is this going to keep happening? Enough already!

Brace yourself:  Your survival technique has to be go with the flow.The more you fight the inevitable, the harder your life becomes. And usually people fight the inevitable because they want to think they can control everything, or they don’t want to face the change.

Remember, once the change has been initiated, things will never go back to what they once were, no matter now much you fight against it, or for it.

You have to accept the fact that you can only control how you are going to respond to what happens, not what happens!

The sooner you learn this lesson, the sooner you can control the type of life you will live.

Make the conscious choice to respond positively to whatever life dishes out. You need to enjoy life on a daily basis. You never know what tomorrow will bring, especially if your recent history is any indication!

You have to break that unhappy cycle. You have to decide that you are not going to participate in the negative anymore. It’s all up to you!

Remember, it’s your turn to be happy for a change. It’s your turn to be a SELFISH WOMAN! YOU DESERVE IT!

Happy Living!

Christia

The Most Selfish Woman in America!