Divorced Women – Stop Holding a Grudge!

Hi everybody! I hope you had a fabulous 4th of July, and that you all survived the festivities.

This week I want to remind you of the importance of releasing the past and the power it can have over you.

Click play for a quick reminder of how to recognize if you are still hanging on, and how to stop it.


Here is the transcript for those who like to read:

Hi! It Christia Sale, the Selfish Woman!

Ok – you are finally free from the ugly marriage you were in.

You have released yourself from the physical obligation… from the legal obligations.

But have you released yourself from the emotional obligations?

Forgiven yourself for your part in it and released it to the Universe?

Good question. And it deserves an honest answer – from YOU.

Can you honestly say that you have let go of your resentment for the way you were treated in this whole thing?

Do you really feel like you have made peace with the past and your part in it?

It’s time to Stop Holding A Grudge!

It’s time to release the past and the power it has over you.

As long as you breathe life into that old story by retelling it and talking about it, the longer it will have power over you. And the only one that suffers is you.

And when I say power, I mean the effect it has on your emotions. How talking about that time in your life can bring back those painful feelings that you so desperately want to escape from.

But how can you escape from them if you continue to bring them back into your existence. And you are doing this voluntarily!

Voluntarily… as in self-imposed!  Stop that!

“You don’t drown by falling in water. You drown by staying there.”

Yes, you have to mourn the loss of the “dream” of a happy marriage. It is part of the healing process and it is healthy. But continuing to use that story as an excuse why you are not happy now is a cop-out.

You are basically wallowing in the past and letting it define you.

Your divorce does not define you – YOU define you!

How you choose to respond to your divorce dictates how this is going to turn out for you.

As long as you continue to give your old story a lifeline, you will never get past the pain and you will forever be held back from reaching your full potential. Pull that plug now, before it turns back into a monster!

Nothing good comes from retelling that old story. But limitless possibilities can come from where you choose to go from here. It is your choice!

You have a new chance at writing your own ending, exactly how you want it to be!

Don’t waste it!

So, If this video was beneficial, hopeful, or inspiring, or if you just want to contribute to the conversation, leave me a comment below, make sure you subscribe, and share it with your friends. If you want access to more info plus extras that I can’t put on videos, go to themostselfishwomaninamerica.com & sign up for the updates.

This is Christia Sale, the Selfish Woman, saying You Deserve to be Happy and I’m here to help!

So until next time,

Happy Living!

Now it’s your turn. I want to hear from you.

Do you catch yourself talking about your old story and getting worked up all over again? Do you want to be able to stop that cycle?

Leave me a comment on your situation. We can work on it together. I’m here to help!


It’s Time To Get Out There!

Let me start by saying that this year one of our goals is to enjoy life more! To have more fun, meet more people, enjoy your environment and hopefully contribute somehow to the greater good. And if you have read my book, you know that I am a big promoter of enjoying life! Now, that being said….

The season has changed, the weather has too, and the birds are carrying on like they are at a Sting concert!

It’s Nature’s invitation for us to get out there and party! Enjoy her wealth of offerings. Watch her domain come back to life, which is how Nature makes me feel. Alive!

When I see the green leaves and the tender sprouts appear as if on stage. I am the first one to applaud! I am a sucker for Nature. I feel closer to the Universe when I go outside and just sit in the sunshine, listening to the birds, feeling the breeze on my face. If I could bottle that feeling, I would be a bazillionaire! And yes, I would share, of course.

People take the vibrations of Nature for granted. They will enjoy the occasional blooming flower, but complain when the rain makes it harder to get to work.

There is a power in Nature that can feed your very soul if you learn how to tap into it. But that would require you to slow down, get out of the car, and listen… feel… breathe.

I have noticed that I see more [Read more…]

How Divorced Women Survive Change

Once change starts…things are never the same again.

It never fails, once changed has been initiated, your world is altered forever.

No matter how much you fight it, or try to explain it away, the reality is that it will never go back to “when it was good” or the way it was before.

We try so hard to keep things from changing in our world, especially when it is what we thought we wanted, or needed, in our life.  What we need to accept is that change happens for a reason. Somehow, someone in your world isn’t happy with the way things are. They initiate the change. And you have to deal with it.

A wisdom I’ve learned over the years is to “go with the flow.” The times I have tried to fight the inevitable, I’ve always lost. Even if I think I’ve won, things never go back to the way they were. Feelings are changed forever. Maybe not drastically, but its definitely different.

Sometimes it feel like you are getting bombarded with a lot of changes all at once. It’s exhausting! That’s when you need to get more sleep. Try to remain calm. Exercise. Breath! Do whatever you derive comfort from. It’s also important to remind yourself  what’s really important in life.

The smoother we can handle these times of transition, the sooner it will be over. Fighting prolongs the pain of change. Accepting the new conditions shortens the recovery period.

Acceptance is the key. Choose to respond in a positive way. Make the most of the situation, what ever it is. Don’t participate in the negative. This too will pass. Life will settle back down, and you will be happy again.

Happy Living!


The Most Selfish Woman in America!

How To Survive The Insanity of Divorce

Isn’t it amazing how all of the sudden you wake up one day and your whole life is changing…again?

You know, that time period between the divorce and your finally being on your own, literally?

It comes in phases.

Phase I:  the actual divorce and your ex moving out

Phase II: the recovery period, where you try to catch your breath and make sense of it all

Phase III: when you start to see the beauty of your future, and focus on achieving your Dream Life

Phase IV: when your children start moving out, for what ever reason, and you’re OK with it.

The order of the last two can interchange. But it’s amazing how fast that time passes…

None of us can completely control how this unfolds, because there are too many factors involved that you don’t have control over. Like how other people will act or react to what has happened to your family. The dynamics of that are volatile.  Depending on how hurt the feelings are of the participants dictates how rough the transition will be.

Hopefully you will have the time you need in each phase to be emotionally ready for the next one.

But the reality is that you can wake up one day and get thrown into a phase that you are not ready for.

You are going along, thinking you have a handle on the changes that your life has taken. Then all of the sudden, you get hit in the head with, yet again, another big change. Damn! How long is this going to keep happening? Enough already!

Brace yourself:  Your survival technique has to be go with the flow.The more you fight the inevitable, the harder your life becomes. And usually people fight the inevitable because they want to think they can control everything, or they don’t want to face the change.

Remember, once the change has been initiated, things will never go back to what they once were, no matter now much you fight against it, or for it.

You have to accept the fact that you can only control how you are going to respond to what happens, not what happens!

The sooner you learn this lesson, the sooner you can control the type of life you will live.

Make the conscious choice to respond positively to whatever life dishes out. You need to enjoy life on a daily basis. You never know what tomorrow will bring, especially if your recent history is any indication!

You have to break that unhappy cycle. You have to decide that you are not going to participate in the negative anymore. It’s all up to you!

Remember, it’s your turn to be happy for a change. It’s your turn to be a SELFISH WOMAN! YOU DESERVE IT!

Happy Living!


The Most Selfish Woman in America!

How To Live In The “Big Babe World”

One of my favorite sports commentators is Mary Carillo. She describes the world of women’s tennis as “Big Babe Tennis.” I love that!

Here is my hommage to that description:

I choose to live in the “Big Babe World.”

I will never be that skinny, gaunt woman in the room, who is too worried about how she looks to other people (not to mention grumpy from hunger). Or who is too self-conscious to voice her opinions, and enjoy her life.

I will be the healthy, happy woman in the room, who is commanding attention, and glowing with confidence.

We have to start working with what Mother Nature gave us, and stop thinking we have to be something we are not.

Exercising, being active, enjoying your life, and living in the “Big Babe World” is a conscious decision. Make it!

One aspect of living in the “Big Babe World” is making the most of our physical self. Not striving for the unrealistic image projected by the media. It’s being the best our body can be.

This is where exercise comes in. It just takes discipline, which you are needing in other parts of your life right now, anyway. If you can master self-discipline here, you can apply it to all other areas of your life.

Think about it this way:  You will be taking control of your body and health, just like you are taking control of your life and your happiness.

The results will be confidence and pride, not to mention a sexier, healthier, happier You! And we haven’t even talked about the endorphins you get. How great it that?

Also, increase your basic daily activity level. Go out as often as possible. And I don’t mean cruising. I mean taking the dog for a walk, going to see live music in the park, enjoying different festivals in your town. What ever form it takes, explore where you live. You will be increasing your daily caloric use, and having fun at the same time.

The more you get out and do new things, the more active your life is, and the more you expose yourself to new experiences and new people.

This is one of our goals.

Another aspect of living in the “Big Babe World” is living large in your personality.

Being the dynamic personality that you have inside, you just haven’t always had the confidence to let it shine.

This is another one of our goals.

We are going to work on that….. aren’t we?

Happy Living!


The Most Selfish Woman in America!