I was lucky enough to have Cindy Ratzlaff, co-author of Queen of Your Own Life, as my guest yesterday on my talk show. Here’s the link in case you want to listen to it http://www.voiceamerica.com/show/1990/the-most-selfish-woman-in-america.
Queen of Your Own Life and The Most Selfish Woman in America are soul sisters in the literary world. These books share the message of empowerment and encouragement with a dose of humor on the side. Cindy, along with her best friend of 30 years Kathy Kinney, wrote Queen of Your Own Life as their call to action for grown up women everywhere to celebrate the second half of their life!
Our messages are so similar because women are more alike than different. We all share some of the same issues, no matter what our history or where we are in our journey in life. Cindy, having been a corporate executive, and I, having been a stay home Mom for 20 years, still face the same issues of any women in mid-life: self doubt, anxiety of getting older, questioning our self-worth.
This is a time in our life when our friendships are so important and need to be nurtured. Our friends can remind us of our gifts, talents and experiences that we loose sight of in times of stress. Which is what happened when one day Cindy lost her job to the downturn of the economy. Her supportive friend Kathy reminded her that the only thing that had changed from the day before is that Cindy had lost her job. Cindy was still the intelligent, fabulous, vibrant woman she was when she was yesterday when she was employed. She had not dumbed down overnight.
So the “Crowning Ceremony” was born. Cindy and Kathy started encouraging women to look in a mirror, admire themselves, and declare
that they would be the Queen of Their Own Lives! And part of this ceremony includes asking yourself two questions: 1) What has worked for you so far in your life that you want to take forward with you into this new phase, and 2) What do you want to leave behind that no longer works for you.
It is easier to come up with a nice long list for question #2, but more challenging to come up with a list for question #1. The problem being that we are less comfortable speaking highly of ourselves, possibly due to the way we were raised. Good girls don’t brag – that is arrogant and egotistical.
Well Ladies, stop thinking that way! Stop that right now!
It is time for you to get comfortable admiring yourself. Give yourself credit for the gifts you have been given. Appreciate how lucky you are to have gotten this far, with all the wisdoms, knowledge and insight that makes you who you are today. This is why the “Crowning Ceremony” is so important. It allows you to say outloud what you like about yourself. Get comfortable with it!
We also talked about the power of words and the importance of friends who use words to remind us of our gifts. This helps us adjust to the changes that come into our lives. And with those changes comes choice – the choice of how you are going to respond to that change. We can’t control what other people do, or how things happen, but we can control how we choose to respond.
Bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to everybody. But it’s how you choose to respond that dictates the outcome. You can choose to whine and pout, perpetuating the negative, OR you can choose to respond in a positive way and make the best of the situation.
Cindy shared her travel adventure that took a nosedive, but she was able to salvage by the way she chose to respond to the situation. Instead of being mad as hell, she chose to be the light and delight for herself and everyone around her. Not only did she prevent an ulcer, she met some very interesting people and enjoyed herself in the meantime.
You have to be aware of the exponential effect you have on everyone whose life you touch. We have to BE what we want to SEE in others. We have to be the change that we want to see.
In the book, Cindy and Kathy offer the 7 best gifts that a woman can give herself and here they are:
- Claim their beauty and feel their power
- Clean their mental closet and find their Queen voice
- Admire themselves for who they have become
- Build deep, fulfilling friendships with other women
- Establish firm boundaries that will strengthen all their relationships
- Learn the simple trick to finally being happy
- Place the crown firmly on their heads
