My name is Christia Sale, and I’m just like you.
I’ve reached midlife, and I have children who are sprouting their wings. But what brings me here today is that I have survived a rough marriage, and an even rougher divorce. And it was HELL! And I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to be miserable anymore!
I was raised in an environment where family was the most important thing. So it was sad when I realized, at the beginning of my marriage mind you, that I had made a big mistake. But by then I was already pregnant. I was also raised to believe that I should do everything possible to make the marriage work when there were children involved. So, I thought that if I tried hard enough, he would come around and realize how lucky he was to have a loving family. But he wasn’t used to that dynamic. Can you say dysfunctional childhood? I thought that I could “love” him to health. What was I thinking? I didn’t know any better. I’m a hopeless romantic.
I got so caught up in trying to make my marriage work that I totally lost myself in the process. Then I finally realized that nothing was going to save the relationship that I spent 17 years giving CPR to.
I woke up one morning and had an epiphany. “Screw this! Life is too short to be so unhappy. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. No one does! I am SO out of here!”
And that was all I needed. I was done. I was finished putting an egocentric, passive-aggressive (stop me now before I really get started!) husband’s needs above my own, and I was tired of living in a one-sided relationship. The thought of staying in this situation for the rest of my life made my skin crawl. My time here was over! I deserved better! It was my turn, Dammit!
You know, for years of always being last on the needs list, thinking that was what “good mother’s” do, I can’t truly convey how liberating it was to put a stop to the madness. Yes, I don’t mind caring for my children and parents because I love them dearly, but if I can’t get my basic emotional needs met from my supposed spouse, and I’m talking years of it, I’m done! To Hell with that! I mean really, life is too short to live that way with nothing but heartache in return. Can you imagine when the kids were gone and it was just going to be me and him – not just NO but HELL NO! The thought of that gives me chills!
Even with my adamant decision for freedom, it still took about two years of healing to get my mojo back. I had to let myself mourn the loss of the “dream” . . . the dream of a happy marriage. It took a lot of praying, affirmations, exercising, sleeping, and healthy eating to bring me back to the land of the living. Can I get an Amen!
There are still a few issues I need to deal with though. One is accepting the fact that I’m never going to reach my svelte weight again. You know, when I could still see my hip bones? It would take more energy and obsessive focus than I’m willing to give it. At my age, it would be a full time job, and it would just make me grumpy! Second, those little wrinkles . . . I have to accept the fact that life has been creeping across my face when I wasn’t looking. What’s up with that? Do you think Dr. Perricone makes house calls? And last, but not least, I have to delete those annoying little tapes that I keep hearing in the shadows of my mind that say “You’re not good enough to make it work.”
After a “challenging” marriage, shall we say, I was completely depleted of my energy, and my power. I couldn’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. In the final stages of trying to resuscitate that lost cause, I aged 10 years in a 3-year period. Life had taken its toll on my face, and body. I needed to get in touch with my true spirit and zest for life. I needed to find my “self” again. The only way I knew how to accomplish this was “out with the old and in with the new.”
During that unhappy period of my life, I internalized my stress and sadness, giving me irritable bowel syndrome. I drank too much, drying out my skin. I cried a lot and didn’t sleep much, ruining my face. Not a good combination for that “youthful glow!” Can you say wrinkles? My soul was sad and empty.
But after letting myself mourn the loss of the “dream” of a happy marriage, I eventually started getting my zest back. I searched my soul for what I really wanted from life. If not now, when? I fed my body with healthy, natural foods that nurtured my cells and my soul. I started exercising with a purpose. I lost that “lifeless” look in my skin. I started losing that swollen look in my body. And my stomach stopped hurting all the time. I started looking and feeling like my old self again. Can I get another Amen!
Life is too short not to be happy. This life was given to us to enjoy, not to be miserable. It was also given to us to make this world a better place than it was when we got here. You can’t accomplish any of this if you don’t feel dynamic, vibrant, balanced, and happy. And face it, when we regain control of our outlook and outcome, we are much more likely to have a positive impact on the rest of our world.
Having reached midlife, I have realized that I still have another half of my life to be the best I can be. And being healthy and happy are key components to making that happen. And it is easier to maintain than you
think. No matter what your circumstances, if you are nurturing your body, spirit and soul, eating clean and lean, staying active mentally and physically, and being true to your goals, you will have the balance needed to be a beacon of light in this world. Shine on Sister!
As most wives and mothers can relate to, my needs were always on the back burner. But knowing that I’m finally paying attention to myself first is very empowering. My attitude is much more dynamic, my disposition is much happier, and my response to life is much more balanced.
Doing the things I want to do, when I want to do them is all about ME. Taking time to exercise is something I do just for me. Eating clean, lean foods makes me feel more vibrant. Affirmations make me feel more appreciative. Setting goals for my life and accomplishing them makes me more in control. These things I do for ME!
Because It’s My Turn! Dammit!
I Am Christia Sale, The Most Selfish Woman In America!
